Day One 199 lbs.

Hello!
   I am excited and scared about this blog. Let me start off by telling you a bit about my background.

I have been struggling with my weight since I was a little... let me rephrase that... a young girl. I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted and I could put it away. My sisters just so happen to be twigs, so you know...family photos were fun. My family would make innocent jokes about my weight and I would bawl hysterically (btw, I'm the cryer in the family). I would make vows to not eat a single thing until I wasted away just to spite them (also the dramatic one). That would last about 10 minutes; 20 if my candy reserve was tapped out. This went on until high school, each diet less successful than the last.

My freshman year of high school I weighed 123 lbs and had topped out at 5'3". I remember thinking "Oh man, I am getting FAT!". (eff you skinny me!). Luckily, I still had enough confidence to try out for cheerleading. I made the varsity team because, well, it was a rebuilding year. We practiced 2 1/2-3 hours a day. I was in decent shape and able to eat more without feeling so guilty.

My sophomore year I walked through the high school doors weighing 145 lbs. I had a great summer! I worked at the local theater; which meant a nutritious diet of popcorn and candy . I did a youth cheer camp with my coach, so I could pretend I was active. By the time uniform fitting came around, I couldn't understand why I couldn't fit into my old uniform. I cried for hours when I had to put on a size 8, cause Heaven forbid I don't stay a size 6.

My junior year I had come to terms with being chubby. I still wore the same size 8 uniform. I bought bigger bras, bigger pants, bigger shirts (I could no longer get away with stealing my younger sister's).  I was dealing with it. I still had boyfriends..which at the time was all I cared about.

My senior year I weighed in at 150. Thankfully the weight was distributed a bit more evenly (or at least into my bust). I was becoming more confident. I was going on the 4th year of varsity cheerleading, I got the lead in the school play, I got accepted into multiple colleges, and racked up $10 grand in scholarships. I had a new boyfriend; total hottie. I was feeling pretty good about myself.

College was my downfall.

Freshman year, I joined the cheerleading squad, but it was a more laid back program than I was use to. Because I wasn't as active, you'd think I would cut down on my calories...Well, that's what you get for thinking.  My boyfriend and I had decided to make long distance work; so I didn't have to look amazing every day. I ate at the college cafeteria my first semester; a great way to avoid nutrition. My second semester I ate at applebees during happy hour because I was a poor college kid and was sick of the cafeteria.At the end of that year, I weighed 165....Freshman 15...Check.

My sophomore year I lived in the college apartments and could cook for myself....So I gained 15 lbs. Half way through the year I decided to try weight watchers with a friend of mine. This was mostly because I was afraid that my boyfriend would take one look at me and break it off.  It worked pretty well, I stuck to it for the rest of the year and lost 18 lbs. I was happy to see the numbers on the scale go down. However, that summer I gained it all back....and then some.

My junior year I jumped on the scale at 188 lbs. I constantly asked my boyfriend if he still loved me and he constantly told me he did because he "didn't care what I looked like"...Just so you know, saying that doesn't make a person feel better...it's like saying "So you're fat, at least you're not ugly". At my sports physical they pointed out that I had gained 23 lbs over the summer.  All I could say was "oh". What I really meant was"oh really, I hadn't noticed."  I had to ask my coach for a bigger uniform, a highlight for that year. I did not try to loose weight, I just tried to convince myself I could deal with being a big girl.

My senior year, I did not do cheerleading. My boyfriend had proposed to me and I was pumped. I was ready to go dress shopping! The first few dresses I tried on were a size 22, so shopping was not as fun as I hoped it would be. I had a new mission. Get down to 155 by the wedding so I could fit into the size 14 wedding dress I had ordered. Good news, I did it. Bad news, I did it months before the wedding so I had plenty of time to gain the weight back. 
Lucky for me, the size 14 that use to be big, fit me perfectly for the wedding. From that moment on, I was off the diet again. Which is what brought me to do this blog. I managed to gain 44 lbs in 10 months. YAY ME!

So I start this journey off at 199 lbs. I can't promise you readers that I won't fail, I can't promise that you'll feel motivated to start your own weight loss journey, but I do promise to do my best to keep you well informed of my progress in the form of a sarcastic or wildly emotional blog post.


P.S. Please bare with me, as I am new to blogging.