closer to the dream

hello readers,
   My husband sold is car in Puerto Rico today! yay! He isn't there often enough to make it a necessity; so he decided we could use the money better for a down payment on a house. He had been trying to sell it since January, but it's difficult to sell something so far away.  This morning (at 5:30am!) his brother called to tell him that his neighbor had already bought the car. It sold for $3000, not a ton of money, but it put a dent in the amount of money we have to save for a down payment. I am getting a little psycho about getting in a house that we can call our own...I think it's because it's the next step to having a baby. I have major baby-sickness. I think I might go into a depression if I don't have a kid within the next year...just a heads up. The sad thing is, I will probably get just close enough to my goal weight and then get pregnant. Although, I would trade a lot for a baby right now.

    My family has always had this fear that I would not accomplish everything I could in my life because I would get pregnant. I have seen friends and peers get pregnant, some accomplish incredible things; the top of that list being that they are incredible mothers. I get an irrational jealousy every time I hear someone is pregnant. Whether it was planned or not, whether it was difficult for them or just happened...I get jealous. Not crazy jealous, like pissed off jealousy; it's more of a desperation jealousy. I do not need to accomplish much in my life to be happy. I have a job I love, a husband I love, in a town that I love, surrounded by many people I love. I am at the point in my life (yes, at 23) that I am ready to settle down. I want a house that I can grow a family in. I sometimes get pretty upset that I have to wait. I know that I am waiting for the good of my unborn children; but it doesn't make it any easier. I like to blame it on my family and my husband. If I can get upset at them for wanting me to be "responsible" then it doesn't fall on my shoulders that I have to wait. I know if I really truly wanted to, I could get pregnant right now and no one would be terribly upset. However, I want to be in a house and in a decent financial state. I want to be emotionally and financially prepared (maybe not ready entirely, but prepared). I want to be able to have a child without people wondering why I didn't wait. 

My husband and I have made about a hundred agreements on when we will be ready to start trying to have kids. It began as 3 years after we got married...then it became when I turned 25 (2 1/2 years from when we got married...there were a ton of "agreements" (mostly me saying that we agreed) about when. We have finally came to the agreement that once we are in a house and understand our expenses, then we can start trying for kids. My husband might not understand that I am a planner...which means I have already formed a budget for our future expenses....which means that as soon as we get into a house, I am going to be verifying that I budgeted correctly...which means that it may take him longer than I to figure out our expenses, but I am willing to give up that knowledge. :) It's not that I am going to pressure my husband, he wants children about half as much as I do (which is ALOT). I know that he will be ready when I am; because he knows that I will not be ready (no matter how much I want to be) until it is a good time. It may not be perfect, but I will be as ready as I will be...and I am a planner.

This Saturday, we are going to look at another house. I am really hoping that it is THE house or at least gives us a better idea about the other houses we have already seen. I will let you know. I can't wait!


Oh, and I had a sandwich for lunch and a potato for dinner. :P

Flu-ey

hello readers,
    I have a stomach bug....ugghhhh....but the good news is, I haven't been able to eat junk (or much else). I'm sorry I don't have anything awesome to say...wait, I do. My husband and I got our home loan approved :). We can now seriously begin house-hunting. We are looking at another house Saturday. :)

talk to ya later!

a small step

Hello everyone,
    Today I found out that I lost a pound. I am excited and disappointed. I am excited to see the numbers going the right way, but it is hard to see 1 lb out of 196 disappear. I was hoping for two. This is something I have to learn to overcome. I tend to expect huge results each week because when I crash diet, I have been known to drop 9 lbs in a week. Those numbers are awesome to see, but hard to keep. I want to be able to live with only loosing a lb and maintaining that weight loss. I am making small progress for a big change. That's what I keep telling myself. I am getting more active and struggling to eat better. I say struggling because food is such a comfort, that I really have a hard time not eating my stress. I am working on getting better at it and I did well except for this last Friday. Hopefully next week, I will have lost at least 2 lbs. I am going to Zumba every day possible.

Oh, btw I worked my tail off at gymnastics practice today spotting about a TON of back hand springs....and I took 2 walks. (Phoebe has lost a lb too!) :)