home sweet home

Hello everyone,
    I am fairly settled in to our new home. I am really excited. It's nice to know that I don't have to worry about things you would in a rental...like if my new puppy Skipper decides to have an accident on the carpet. I am now the proud owner of a chi-weenie: chihuahua-dachshund mix. He is adorable; Phoebe loves him btw. Other new event in my life: I ordered medifast and smell ordered p90x, so I will have plenty to blog about. :)

I will post a new blog tomorrow!

Good night! :)

moving

hello all,
   Sorry I am so behind in posts. I have been hurrying to get everything out of our old rental by the 1st and into our new house, which we will be closing on July 8th. I will post a blog once we are settled a little more.

Wednesday...again

So clearly I'm amazing at doing posts on a regular basis....Here's what's happened in my life:  We finally have all of our documents in for approval on our home loan, we are moving out of our current rental in 8 days, we don't know where we are moving yet...until we find out if we are going to be able to move straight into our house, I definitely have a sinus issue, work piles are increasing, we started gymnastics for cheerleading, and I am pooped.
I am really excited about the house and cheerelading. We have 11 girls signed up for high school and four for middle school. (our middle school group has many more girls, but it's hard to get commitment over the summer). Some of our girls are already working on back tucks and the girls who are working on the basics are improving quickly. I am one lucky coach.

Here is what I've eaten today:
Breakfast: SF Soy vanilla Chai
    Stress level (1-10)  5

Mood Morning:
Pretty good. I was slightly stressed, but not as much as in previous weeks

Lunch: Black Cherry Greek Yogurt
  Stress level (1-10) 7

Snack: Halibut spread sandwich
    Stress level (1-10)  7


Mood Afternoon:
all-in-all not too shabby. I was pretty busy running from work to gymnastics practice, but it wasn't overly stressful



Dinner: coconut italian soda (Reminds me of Lacey ;)    )
  Stress level (1-10)7



Mood Night:
Relaxed, I have to work tonight from 6-8:30. I'm not bummed about it, I'm actually excited to get some stuff done without people running in and out of my office. :)

Exercise for the day:
Helping lead gymnastics practice (not too strenuous)

Wednesday

Wednesday was not a great day for me. I had some problems with a co-worker's inability to treat me with respect. I believe that each person deserves to be treated as if you respected them. Maybe you don't respect them, but you should at least pretend to. Like in most jobs, people never know how much work you do. The accounting department is the catch-all for things that happen in the office.

Not only do we handle every single cent of money that our company receives or expenses, but we take phone calls ALL DAY, talk to employees about things going-on, schedule events in our rental areas, schedule and reserve travels, type up paper work for those who can't do it themselves, fax things for people who can't fax, etc.

I get that filling out a purchase requisition, getting a purchase order, and filling out a receiver for any money spent is a pain in the ass. I get that it takes time out of your day...but what is not understood by those people filling out the paper work, is that we have to take that purchase requisition, verify that your supervisor knows you are expending that money, create 3 purchase orders for the vendor, pending file, and a copy for the requisition, then we have to either place the order for you or wait for you to purchase the item, then we have to collect the receiver and receipt, expense it to the correct account, and then file it.....if you do not fill out that paper work, then we have to ask you to track all of that information down for us...and Lord knows your fun to deal with! So....before you get all frustrated with the paperwork, remember we get no more joy from it than you do...

Also, isn't it common sense to be nice to the people who enable you to make purchases and cut your pay check? I'm not saying that we could really keep you from anything, but should you associate us with all things good? ughh. A please and a thank you can change everything...well, and just not being a bitch. I'm just sayin'.

Breakfast: SF Soy vanilla Chai
    Stress level (1-10)  7

Snack:
    Stress level (1-10)

Mood Morning:
Irritated

Lunch: Chicken tenders-2
    Stress level (1-10) 10

Snack:
    Stress level (1-10)


Mood Afternoon:
 
Super irritated, near combustion.



Dinner: Sweet and sour chicken with rice. (made from scratch)
    Stress level (1-10)
10



Mood Night:
Super frustrated and feeling helpless

Exercise for the day:
....what?

Tuesday's info

 ughh,  some days you just don't want to do anything. The appraisal for our house came back...yay! however, i was stuck working on a stupid correspondence class for first time home buyers. it was awful,
Breakfast: Caramel Latte
    Stress level (1-10) 5

Snack: Cinnamon roll
    Stress level (1-10) 5

Mood Morning:  Average, kinda grumpy from lack of sleep


Lunch: halibut burger w/ pasta salad and a coke
    Stress level (1-10)  7


Snack:
    Stress level (1-10)


Mood Afternoon:
I was super frustrated because of the class worksheets I had to fill out for a home loan program. They didn't list much about what they wanted and I hate having to guess.
 


Dinner: bbq burger with french fries
    Stress level (1-10)  7


Mood Night:
Stressed, Lena invited me out to dinner. So I ate my feelings up.

Exercise for the day:
10 minutes on the eliptical...gotta start somewhere.

quit playin

ok readers,
   If it hasn't been blatantly obvious, I have definitely been slacking on my dieting. I have been cramming junk and more junk in to my stomach. I have no excuses. I have allowed the stress in my life to overpower my ability to think straight in front of a pan of rice krispie treats (and many other delicious and disgusting foods). I have to make a change in my life. My asthma is getting worse; I would love to blame that on allergies alone...but who am I kidding. Walking up the stairs should not require a 10 minutes cool down. I shouldn't feel like I am on the verge of a heart attack when I walk my dog....Who is still chunky. I shouldn't have nightmares about getting diabetes because I like snacking. I have a wonderful husband and high hopes of having children in the coming year or so....I also have at least 2 weddings to be in within the next 7 months.

As I have stated before "nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels" -Bob Harper. I have tried it on my own and failed...again. So here is my plan. I will make a post every day that reads like this:

Breakfast:
    Stress level (1-10)

Snack:
    Stress level (1-10)

Mood Morning:


Lunch:
    Stress level (1-10)


Snack:
    Stress level (1-10)


Mood Afternoon:
 




Dinner:
    Stress level (1-10)




Mood Night:


Exercise for the day:


 I am asking for my readers to please take part in my weight loss journey. I would love feed back on my postings; encouragement, tips, prayer etc.

For those of you in town, I would love a partner to exercise with. My schedule permits exercise after 4pm most days. I prefer to exercise before 7pm, but I open to other times. I love to walk, swim, weight lift, and Zumba. I can show you how to weight lift or do Zumba, if you are interested in learning. The weight lifting I know how to do is for toning (not building I would like to run, however I have pretty bad asthma, so I am VERY slow and would require a patient running buddy. Again, I am open to different forms of exercise.




For those of you out of town, I would love info on different types of exercises you are trying, fun/healthy recipes, how your weight loss journey is going (if you have one), etc.




thank you all for sticking with me!

oh happy day!

Hello readers!
     I am pleased to announce that we are getting a house! yay! We put in an offer on Saturday and it was approved that same day. Pending an inspection and appraisal, we will have a house. The crazy part is...ALL THE PAPER WORK. There are so many things that I didn't think would matter...that do. For example, Alex sold his car in Puerto Rico through a cash transaction. there is no true paper trail, so we had to back track and get the guy who bought it to sign a bunch of papers...I'm sure he thinks we're shady. Also, when I asked about the garage sale we plan on doing Saturday, I was told that I needed to make sure that I documented everything. *sigh*....and that's the easy stuff. The good news is that we are actually ahead of the game; so even though we are young, we are at least on top of things.

On another note, my mom had some health problems this last week and failed to inform us that she was in the hospital for 7 days until after she was discharged...that was really stressful. I have definitely been indulging. Lord save me!

Tonight, Alex and I rented Just Go With It and The Dilemma. We are going to relax and watch movies. I need to calm my nerves. I feel like I may emotionally eat all the chocolate in this small town if I don't...And I am not a big fan of chocolate, so something is truly wrong.

Thursday

Hello everyone,
    Tomorrow we are going to look at a house! yay! we are really excited about it. We are hoping it is the last house we have to look at...but we've hoped that each time. We are looking forward to this house because it has what we've been looking for: 3 bd 2 bath, big yard (with a fence! :D), 2 parking places, it's pretty sweet. We are saving up for the estimated closing costs. We have a fully-financed loan, so that's all we have to pay up front. According to the usual way closing costs are split between seller and buyer (conservatively) we have $1500 more to save up...wouldn't be so stressful, but we are hoping to close on a house ASAP. We are to be out of our rental by August 1st at the latest...which is pretty soon.

On another note, it's Dukey's birthday tomorrow and we are going camping to celebrate. She works Saturday, so we are going out to camp Saturday night. I haven't been camping in almost 2 years. My husband and I are getting amped up about it. I think most of our friends are. I am excited to be outdoors and have nothing to worry about except how evenly my ribs get cooked. :) I love Alaska.

Also, my cousin Smelly Jr, my aunts, my dad and step-mommy, and I are going to be having a garage sale (hopefully next weekend). I have a ton of clothes, books, and candles that I am going to try to offload. I think most of my family has clothes, but they probably have household items as well...I just got married, my household items are new and limited...haha. But I am excited about it. It's like a game..like "lets see how crappy my sense of style is". Your score will be tallied by how many age appropriate people buy your clothes... :)

Other news, Smelly Jr won 3rd place in the local salmon derby with a 43.5 lb king salmon. WAY TO GO SMELLY! (chops smack chops smack chops smack in uncle Smelly fashion) <---for those I am not related to. My great uncle, who passed a few years back, use to smack his chops like he was bored whenever he did something awesome; like it was no big thing. It's become a "thing" in our family and it always makes me smile to think of him. He was the greatest.

Friday

Hello all,
  Today is Friday! Hallelujur! This week has been a mess of emotion...but that is me. I have been trying to figure out this house situation and it's been a major stressor for me. I need to just relax and understand that it will happen for me, but I'm not the relaxin' type. Today I was pre-melt down for at least 5 hours. I was ready to lose it on a person for leaning over the fax machine...but seriously, it's not like you're a goalie, back the frick up! I quickly realized I needed to take a step back and think about what I was about to say. Instead of "ok, I'm up to giving you an attitude adjustment" I said "hey, are there any faxes coming in? no, ok. Do you mind if I fax something right quick?" and then I kicked her in the face...with my mind. I found myself getting pissed off at the sound of people's voices today. Not uncommon for me; but it was just fax-queen. It was another person, who, yes, gets on my nerves, but I can deal with. It felt like nails on a chalk board. I wanted to bust through the doors dividing our offices and ask them to please lower their voices. It was like college all over again...except in college I really did ask people to keep it down...yes, I was that person in the dorms. However, I don't think it's right that I have to listen to you and your gf fight for ALL hours of the night and then have wild crazy make up sex after. I get it, you're passionate people...but please keep the passion volume on low. I'm just sayin'. Save it until I'm not home and I won't judge your sex life on a scale of 1-10 (6, btw). I'm not saying that you need to speak to each other through intense staring. I just think that you should save the buck-wild stuff for when you're out of ear shot. When I'm on the other side of the wall, pretend you're parents are on the other side of the not-so-thin wall.

*sigh* anyways, I worked out with Smelly Jr last night and today we are to go a-walking. Bean is coming over for dinner with the kiddos and I am excited to do nothing tomorrow in the AM. I hope you all have a great weekend!

moods

hello everyone,
     Today was a not so great day...however it wasn't terrible either. I am in a weird mood. I am exhausted, stressed, and emotional. I have no actual reason for it. I just feel like crying and sleeping at the same time... It's not so great of a feeling. I am having a hard time between figuring out how I am going to do my job when my boss moves, getting into a house, and not having kids yet. I know that I will be able to do my job well enough until we hire a replacement for my boss. I know that we will get a house. And I know we will eventually have kids one way or another. I just wish I felt prepared for my boss to leave. I wish we were able to get our offer in on a house right now and move in shortly there after. And I wish, more than a lot of things right now, that I was pregnant....And now I'm crying....pathetic, haha.
    One thing that is stressing me out right now that is rather manageable, is the selling of my sea otter fur products. I have orders for baby booties and moccasins, but I am stressed out because I want to start making a real income off of my work. Which would entail selling something worth more than $100 and $200....or a lot of smaller items. It's hard to sell high end products in a small town. My client base is pretty small right now. I know that I have quality items though, so I just need to keep my chin up until things get rolling.
   I have to admit, although I haven't been eating horribly. I definitely have not been eating diet foods. Please pray for me. I would really love God to bless me with some peace....And a house...haha. Also, if you could pray for my friend over at Guinn and Bare It; she is having a rough time waiting for her hubby to get home from over seas. Also, I have a unwritten prayer request for a friend that I have been thinking about lately. Please pray for her and her husband. Any prayer requests? I'm listening, and so is Jesus. Btw, the song that I have really been jamming to lately is by Casting Crowns-Your Love is Extravagant. Here are the lyrics:

Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate
I feel I'm moving to the rhythm of Your grace
Your fragrance is intoxicating in the secret place
Cause Your love is extravagant

Chorus:
Spread wide in the arms of Christ there's a love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known; You considered me a friend
Capture my heart again

Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate
I feel I'm moving to the rhythm of Your grace
Your fragrance is intoxicating in the secret place
Your love is extravagant

Spread wide in the arms of Christ there's a love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known; You considered me a friend
Spread wide in the arms of Christ there's a love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known; You considered me a friend
Capture my heart again

Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate

Fur sewing class

Hello readers!
    I have had a pretty great week. I have been taking a fur sewing class at night. Our tribe has come up with a way of managing the growing sea otter population by creating an opportunity for our people. Sea otters are decimating our crab, clam, and muscle populations here around our traditional area of land. So don't feel too bad for them when reading this. They are very much over populated. However, only coastal natives from the area that are 1/4 native are allowed to hunt them or even use them to produce products. Any other ethnicity is not allowed to have anything to do with them until they are made into a product. I have been taking a class to learn to use these pelts to make things that I will be able to sell. As much as many crab fishermen would prefer us to go shoot a ton of them right off the bat, that is not our way. Everything we kill is to be used; as is our culture to not be wasteful. I have been practicing on bootie patterns. So far I have made a women's size 9 and 6 1/2. I have also made a pair of small baby booties...which are probably the cutest things I've seen in a while. I am excited to see what people think of my skills. haha. I will be taking orders soon for things like gloves, mittens, scarves, hats, booties, and I am trying my hand at jackets. I am still figuring out prices, but I'm excited about it.

The bad thing about this class is that I haven't had time to cook. I go to work from 8am-4pm and I try to get to class early around 4:45pm....so we have been eating whatever is available: pizza, sandwiches, fish tacos, and fajitas....all from local eateries. Ugh...It feels yucky. I can't wait to have time to cook again.

sunny days

hello everyone,
   I haven't wrote you in a while. I have to admit, I've been in a bit of a rough patch. After looking at the house last week, we decided it wasn't the one for us. it was very cute, but we want a house that doesn't need much work done to it. I was incredibly bummed. I was hoping that house was it. I had a minor (huge) melt down about how it was taking forever for us to find a house. Later that week, I found out that my boss is planning to move at the end of next month. Ugh..that was a bummer. I have only been working in the accounting dept for a year and I am definitely not able to do it alone. So, we are hiring a new person to replace my boss. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't upset with my boss in the least. I am  really happy for her. She has wanted to get out of here for a while. I am just bummed that I am not able to slip so easily into her position. This week was stressful....and I did not handle it so well.
    It just so happens that this stressful week is at the same time as Mayfest weekend. (a celebration of Norwiegan heritage in our small town). I ate my self sick. I am very afraid to step on that scale tomorrow.
The good news is that we looked at another house and are planning on looking at a final house sometime this week (hopefully). The other house we looked at is nice, but a little on the small side. The other house looks good on the outside, so hopefully we will like the inside. Both of them are in our price range. Wish us luck!...or at least wish my husband luck (in case neither house works out).

closer to the dream

hello readers,
   My husband sold is car in Puerto Rico today! yay! He isn't there often enough to make it a necessity; so he decided we could use the money better for a down payment on a house. He had been trying to sell it since January, but it's difficult to sell something so far away.  This morning (at 5:30am!) his brother called to tell him that his neighbor had already bought the car. It sold for $3000, not a ton of money, but it put a dent in the amount of money we have to save for a down payment. I am getting a little psycho about getting in a house that we can call our own...I think it's because it's the next step to having a baby. I have major baby-sickness. I think I might go into a depression if I don't have a kid within the next year...just a heads up. The sad thing is, I will probably get just close enough to my goal weight and then get pregnant. Although, I would trade a lot for a baby right now.

    My family has always had this fear that I would not accomplish everything I could in my life because I would get pregnant. I have seen friends and peers get pregnant, some accomplish incredible things; the top of that list being that they are incredible mothers. I get an irrational jealousy every time I hear someone is pregnant. Whether it was planned or not, whether it was difficult for them or just happened...I get jealous. Not crazy jealous, like pissed off jealousy; it's more of a desperation jealousy. I do not need to accomplish much in my life to be happy. I have a job I love, a husband I love, in a town that I love, surrounded by many people I love. I am at the point in my life (yes, at 23) that I am ready to settle down. I want a house that I can grow a family in. I sometimes get pretty upset that I have to wait. I know that I am waiting for the good of my unborn children; but it doesn't make it any easier. I like to blame it on my family and my husband. If I can get upset at them for wanting me to be "responsible" then it doesn't fall on my shoulders that I have to wait. I know if I really truly wanted to, I could get pregnant right now and no one would be terribly upset. However, I want to be in a house and in a decent financial state. I want to be emotionally and financially prepared (maybe not ready entirely, but prepared). I want to be able to have a child without people wondering why I didn't wait. 

My husband and I have made about a hundred agreements on when we will be ready to start trying to have kids. It began as 3 years after we got married...then it became when I turned 25 (2 1/2 years from when we got married...there were a ton of "agreements" (mostly me saying that we agreed) about when. We have finally came to the agreement that once we are in a house and understand our expenses, then we can start trying for kids. My husband might not understand that I am a planner...which means I have already formed a budget for our future expenses....which means that as soon as we get into a house, I am going to be verifying that I budgeted correctly...which means that it may take him longer than I to figure out our expenses, but I am willing to give up that knowledge. :) It's not that I am going to pressure my husband, he wants children about half as much as I do (which is ALOT). I know that he will be ready when I am; because he knows that I will not be ready (no matter how much I want to be) until it is a good time. It may not be perfect, but I will be as ready as I will be...and I am a planner.

This Saturday, we are going to look at another house. I am really hoping that it is THE house or at least gives us a better idea about the other houses we have already seen. I will let you know. I can't wait!


Oh, and I had a sandwich for lunch and a potato for dinner. :P

Flu-ey

hello readers,
    I have a stomach bug....ugghhhh....but the good news is, I haven't been able to eat junk (or much else). I'm sorry I don't have anything awesome to say...wait, I do. My husband and I got our home loan approved :). We can now seriously begin house-hunting. We are looking at another house Saturday. :)

talk to ya later!

a small step

Hello everyone,
    Today I found out that I lost a pound. I am excited and disappointed. I am excited to see the numbers going the right way, but it is hard to see 1 lb out of 196 disappear. I was hoping for two. This is something I have to learn to overcome. I tend to expect huge results each week because when I crash diet, I have been known to drop 9 lbs in a week. Those numbers are awesome to see, but hard to keep. I want to be able to live with only loosing a lb and maintaining that weight loss. I am making small progress for a big change. That's what I keep telling myself. I am getting more active and struggling to eat better. I say struggling because food is such a comfort, that I really have a hard time not eating my stress. I am working on getting better at it and I did well except for this last Friday. Hopefully next week, I will have lost at least 2 lbs. I am going to Zumba every day possible.

Oh, btw I worked my tail off at gymnastics practice today spotting about a TON of back hand springs....and I took 2 walks. (Phoebe has lost a lb too!) :)

ugh

Hey everyone!
     Sorry it's been a few days since I've wrote. Thursday was the Elk's Lodge burger night. The cheerleaders worked their for tips. We made enough money to cover about a month and a half of gymnastics costs. I ended up being their with the cook and my co-coach until 11pm. I guess Red Lobster was in town shooting some commercials, so we stayed later than usual to feed them.

Friday was kinda crazy, but not as crazy as the rest of the week. (quarterly reports were due; which meant everybody needed financial reports from the accounting dept) We had a lot going on in the office, but luckily it wasn't directly effecting the accounting department. I actually had time to catch up on some filing; so our office is on the mend. After work, I spent 45 minutes with my husband before he had to go to work. After that, I washed the mountain of dishes that had accumulated from our hectic week. I was feeling stressed out and overwhelmed. I was going out to Bean's to hang out with her and Dukey. I figured since I had burned so many extra calories, I would indulge in some pizza; mostly because I didn't feel like cooking dinner just for myself. It was a bad idea. I had 3 breadsticks and half slice of pizza....it was awful. It made me feel sick and gross. I won't be doing that again for a while. After I came home from Bean's, I washed some more dishes (it was bad, I had more than 2 sinks full). I couldn't fall asleep. My husband had told me he might get off work early. I was really excited....so I stayed up.....until 4am....He didn't get home until 10am...AND HE HAD TO GO BACK TO WORK AT 2!!! Needless to say, I didn't get to spend a whole lot of time with him. He went to sleep, so I snuggled up next to him, but I am feeling pretty deprived of my time with him. :(

I'm going on a drive with Smelly Jr right now and then we are baking muffins. I'm sure our night will end in Zumba and a walk, so I'm excited to burn off some more calories. :)

Bank, Cheer practice, Zumba, Cheesecake, and Dog Walks

Hello everyone,
     Today was another busy day. Work was ok, just work. After work, my husband and I had an appointment with the bank to go over our info for our loan. I then had to run home to change for cheer gymnastics practice. I brought Phoebe because I didn't want her home by herself, but she had to hang in the car. After practice, I went to pick up Smelly Jr and we went to the store to get ingredients for a raspberry cheesecake...Don't worry, I didn't eat it. The cheerleaders are working for tips at the Elks Lodge burger night and I was put in charge of dessert. When we had the ingredients, we went up to my work's exercise room and zumba'd for an hour. It was a blast, but a total work out. My Aunt joined us and I think she may be hooked. After Zumba, Smelly Jr came over to hang out and bake cheesecake. Whilst the cheesecake baked, we took Phoebe for a walk. We talked about expectations and how they can sometimes be unfair. Everybody has something they are expected to achieve, but fall short of. Whether it is obtainable or not, it doesn't make you feel less shameful about it. And the funny thing about shame, is it makes you feel sorry for yourself. Ex: I can't believe I gained so much weight. I wish I had a fast metabolism or lived in an area of Africa where my weight would be valued....just an example. It can make you feel like doo-doo. But what Smelly Jr and I talked about was how we had to come to an acceptance of our expectations. We had to realize that the expectations aren't likely to change, but we can find a way to live with it and set our own (at times more reasonable, at times not so much) expectations. Also, we need to appreciate our accomplishments and appreciate other people's because it's easy to overlook them. Ex: my cheerleader's are at different levels; which happens on every team and should be embraced. However, it can happen that you overlook somebody finally getting a handstand because someone else just did a backhand spring or flip-flop. Everyone does it, but we talked about how it is important to make an effort to acknowledge their hard work.

Anywho, I have burned 3332 calories by 11pm; 392 of which were from an hour of Zumba. I haven't calculated my calories yet, but I have had a sugar free soy vanilla chai (SF soy vanill chai)  2 cups of honey nut cheerios with fat free milk, a drumstick ice cream cone (from a well-intentioned co-worker), a yogurt & banana, and a spoonful of cheesecake batter. so, I am hoping I have hit a decent deficit.

body bugg

Hello all,
   Today is Biggest Loser Tuesday!!! (and Glee). It a packed day for me. I went to work and did our Federal 941 reports and our State Unemployment reports. After that, Alex and I went to look at a house. It was a 3 bedroom, 2 bath house. It was super cute and in a good location. As soon as we were done with that, we went to the bank to begin the process of a loan commitment application. Which is basically where you give the bank all your info and they commit to loaning you a certain amount. Well, as soon as I thought we had just 2 houses to decide between, my uncle informed me of another house that is a 5 bedroom and would be willing to rent to us until we are ready to buy...which is a big plus because we have to be out of our rental by August 1st and have no real prospects. This evening, I had to attend the Tribal Council meeting to speak about why I should be switched full time to the accounting department instead of splitting my time between accounting and a grant. Now, I get to wait until tomorrow to figure out if they have made a decision. :S

On the diet front...
I have lost no weight. I am bummed, but I understand why. I need to up my exercise a lot. Which Zumba should help with. I have also begun the Body Bugg program; which helped me loose a good amount of weight this last diet. Basically the program counts your calories in and monitors your calories out. You get a device (a body bugg) that is strapped to your arm and measures the amount of sweat you release, your steps, your body heat, and your steps to conclude the amount of calories you have expended. You then enter the foods you eat (very accurately) into an online program. The program can give you nutritional info on your diet, graph your progress, and most importantly: tell you how many calories you need to eat and burn in order to lose a certain amount of weight each week. So if I want to lose 2 lbs a week, I need to expend 7000 more calories than I eat by the end of the week....so far today, I have burned 2009 calories and eaten 1640. So I have a calorie deficit of 369...no where near the 1000 a day I need to burn..but not bad considering I have not exercised today.  I will keep you updated on the body bugg stuff.

Zumba is here!

Hello readers,
    Today, I received my Zumba DVDs in the mail. I was super pumped! I thought they would never get here. After work, I took my niece to her t-ball practice because her mom didn't have enough of a notice to take time off work. Let me just say...SHE IS AMAZING! she was smackin that ball pretty far for a five year old. She also understood how the bases worked pretty quickly and was throwing to first with great aim. I am pretty proud of the lil thing. After t-ball practice, Bean, Dukey, and I had pot roast at Dukey's house. It was nice to just hang out and talk with them. When we finished, it was only 6:30. I text-up Smelly Jr and asked if she would like to join Dukey and I for some Zumba. I thought it would be a decent work out, kinda cheesy, etc...It kicked our butts! and it was pretty fun. We definitely looked ridiculous, but we looked ridiculous together. The sad thing is, most of our work out was learning the steps. I can't wait to do it again! I recommend it to everybody, it's way fun!

Also, I forgot to weigh myself this morning so I will have a weight update tomorrow. :) I hope you all have a great Tuesday!

Saturday

Hello readers,
    Today was a great day! I got to sleep in and when I woke up, it was sunny. I read part of Water for Elephants...again...and then Bean came over with her 2 kiddos. We got lunch and coffee (sugar free soy vanilla chai) and then we took our dogs out for a walk. We walked down to the river and let everybody run around. It was really fun. We even ran into my aunt and my cousins. After, I went out to Beans and played with the girls a bit. When I got home, Alex and I decided to have a relaxing evening just the two of us...needless to say, we're going crazy. Alex is always working, so when we get to spend time together, it's pretty great. However, today I am emotional and he is definitely being a turd.

...So instead of making him the homemade soup he likes so much, I am blogging :D. Anywho, happy Easter! :)

Friday

Hey---! :) 
    Today is Friday; which is normally the best day of the work week...except I had stomach cramps this morning. I hadn't had them in near 2 weeks and thought I was in the clear...no such luck...So I have been home watching re-runs of How I Met Your Mother and re-reading Water For Elephants (new fav book). Luckily, my husband got off work at 5 today; so I can cuddle up to him and complain about feeling sick all night. I'm sure he's really excited about it. Anywho, no Zumba...still. My hubby checked the mail for me..maybe tomorrow?

Thursday Girls Day!

hello readers,
    Sorry for not posting yesterday, I had another one of those crazy days. We had some auditors come in and we were running around going nuts all day. After that, I had cheerleading/gymnastics open gym and then I went to bake with my aunt for Easter...Event of the day...I ate 3 spoons of rice crispie treats...which I guess is alright....considering there was still a whole pan left when I walked away. (quite the feat for a big girl who loves rice crispie treats). AND we watched Smoke Signals because we didn't get around to it Tuesday; we took a six mile walk instead. : )

   Today, I am filing a BUNCH of stuff for our A/P and grant files. It's kind of nice to do something mindless after going through a crazy day yesterday. This morning, I had a sugar-free soy vanilla chai, about 350 calories. It pretty much made my life better. I also had an apple that I picked up from the produce vendor that trucks up fresh produce once every 2 weeks spring-fall. Yum! I brought strawberries for lunch...so really excited about that. Tonight, is Thursday Girls Day! ....or dinner night with two of my besties (Dukey and Bean). Dukey has a cold, so she probably won't make it, but I'm still excited to hang out with Bean. Before I do that though, I plan to go on a bike ride with Smelly Jr....or maybe Zumba??? (if it comes in the mail today!)


I hope you all are doing marvelous!  Here is a quote that I am loving today.

"You must begin to think of yourself as becoming the person you want to be." Eleanor Roosevelt

Tuesday 4/18/11

hello,
    Today is Tuesday...which means Biggest Loser will be on, as well as a new Deadliest Catch. :D  My day wasn't so bad. Work was super busy again because we are cutting checks tomorrow and I had to get all the payables ready and double check that they were correct. However, it did make the day go by fast. Now, I am making spaghetti with sugar-free spaghetti sauce. The sugar-free spaghetti sauce isn't that bad...really, not in a I haven't had a regular pepsi in years, so diet pepsi tastes terrific sort of way. After dinner, my cuhshin (cousin) Mel and I are going to walk from my house to scow bay...probably a four mile walk...idk... and then we are going to watch Smoke Signals! which is one of my all time fav movies. It's about indians on the res and specifically follows a young man and his friend as they travel cross-country to pick up his father's (who left when he was young) ashes. It is really funny...especially if you can relate to it. I am really excited to watch it, I haven't seen it in about a year, maybe longer. One of my favorite dialogs is:
Victor Joseph: You gotta look mean or people won't respect you. White people will run all over you if you don't look mean. You gotta look like a warrior! You gotta look like you just came back from killing a buffalo!
Thomas Builds-the-Fire: But our tribe never hunted buffalo - we were fishermen.
Victor Joseph: What?! You want to look like you just came back from catching a fish? This ain't "Dances With Salmon" you know!
.
and favorite quote: "it's a great day to be indigenous."

Anywho, my Zumba DVDs have yet to come in...hopefully tomorrow. I am off to whip up some chow and then take my obese dog for a walk.

Mondays suck

hello all!
Today is Monday...yuck. I hate Mondays. Today was more stressful than most Mondays. I have been out of the office for a week and my boss has been out of the office for two weeks; leaving the accounting dept empty. So we had a lot of catching up to do. Not only that, but everybody expects their paychecks early....bleh. I weighed in today...I have remained at the same weight. This is no bueno. I have made a promise to myself to start eating better and exercising every day possible. Today, I am going to walk around the loop. (which is around a six mile loop of road around the main part of town) Tomorrow hopefully, my Zumba dvds will be in and I can start those. AK mail takes FOREVER!



I am kinda bummed lately because I haven't been getting much of a response for my challenge, nor have I received as many comments and views as usual. I know my trip was boring, but I would love some feed back on things you may want to hear more on. I will do my best to keep you all up to date as well as entertained.

Also, if you have friends, family, etc a distance away from you, a great way to show some love is to go over to Guin and Bare It jard cupcakes and send over cupcakes that won't be stale by the time they receive them. Great idea for college students and troops over seas.

traveled...

hello everyone!
     I am back home! yay! I hate traveling. Most people like it, but I have lived outside of my hometown for 4 years and I just want to stay here for a while....plus plane rides are awful. And it's hard to eat well when you are attending trainings. So I am pretty worried about this weigh-in. The good news is that I will be home for a while now (hopefully) and I can really get down to business. I am planning on going on a walk with Smelly Jr today. I still haven't received my Zumba DVDs yet. I am really looking forward to getting those in. They are currently in Washington, so I should get them within the next 2-3 days. I am going shopping at some point today....or tomorrow, so I am trying to think of ideas for meals that aren't high in calories, but will give my husband enough to survive.

I don't know if I've already told you, but my husband is a tall skinny guy. He needs the calories. We look ridiculous walking down the street because he is about 6' tall and skinny and I am 5'3 and well-rounded. ;) One of the reasons I want to loose weight is so that girls don't look at him and question whether or not I am really with him. He is a handsome guy and I can't help but think that there are girls thinking he is stuck with me, rather than chose me. I know that I don't have anything to worry about, as far as him taking interest in other women, but it can be difficult when I see skinny, beautiful girls taking a 2nd look at my husband. On the occasion that a guy checks me out or hits on me, I almost feel like it is necessary to inform my husband...so he knows I have options too. Sadly, the men who find me attractive, aren't handsome young men. So I restrain myself from informing him about the smelly guy that lives with his parents and breathes through his mouth. Cause I mean, I don't want him to get jealous. My point is, it can be hard for me to feel adequate when I am near 200 lbs. It's nothing my husband has done to make me feel that way. I just ate away at my confidence...seriously.

Big things...and it's not just me!

Hello readers!
   I have some exciting news! I have decided to issue a challenge to my readers. You can read up on it by clicking on Challenge; near the top of this page. Clearly, the name sucks. If you have any suggestions, I am open to hearing them. You can comment them on this post. I hope you all join in the challenge and support me, as well as your community. Thanks for reading!

Wednesday

Hello all,
    Today was a great day. It started poorly; I was feeling sick again. But at training, I met some nice ladies who are a lot of fun. I knew how to do everything we talked about, so it was good to review without stressing about having to learn anything. After training, I walked with a woman named Barb to an organic food store so she could buy tomatoes to take home with her. Where she is from tomatoes cost $10.99/lb, a six pack of beer costs $20, and gas is $5.99/gallon. I can't believe I complain about the price of food in my small town. After that, we went to a chocolate shop. I know, I know, not so great for a person on a diet. They had drinking chocolate! I wanted to walk away, but the woman I was with made it look so tasty. I had a 3oz cup of it....and it was everything I could want in chocolate. We walked all over midtown anchorage exploring shops and talking away. We met up with another lady from training and went to the Moose's Tooth for dinner. This particular eatery is known for micro-brewing and pizza. Good thing I don't like beer; I can't say the same for pizza. I ordered some pepperjack breadsticks with chipotle sauce (amazing) and had a few of those. I wasn't super hungry today but the meals I ate were fairly high in calories though, so thank God I walked around a lot.  Going out to eat with friends can be really difficult. Any tips? (keeping in mind we don't have chains of anything)

Meals:
Breakfast-small bowl of cheerios
Lunch-nada
afternoon snack- 3 oz drinking chocolate
Dinner- a couple of spicy breadsticks

P.S. Sorry my posts aren't very exciting this week. I will try to post something amazing tomorrow.

shopping

oh my gosh...I love shopping! I know a lot of bigger girls complain about shopping, but if you know where to shop, its not so bad. I had to come to terms with being a big girl and being ok with big girl sizes. The numbers aren't as important as feeling like you look good....and breathing.  Do I sometimes try to wear something that is pretty snug? definitely, but I try to find things that work for my body. I have found that empire waist and a-line dresses are particularly comfortable. I wear them with a belt and it helps make me look slim...mer...Also, if I am struggling with some arm jiggling, I put a cardigan over it. (which also helps if a particular dress doesn't give you a waistline...assuming the cardigan helps define your waist).  WARNING: wearing dresses makes you hate pants...HATE them.

Things I hate about being a big girl:

things rarely fit your bust

big girls use their boobs as a way to feel more attractive. I understand showing your best assets, but flaunting them is distasteful. I, myself, am guilty of wearing the occasional low-cut outfit, but I try not to have a big chance at wardrobe malfunctions.

Spaghetti straps...they aren't flattering on bigger girls. It looks like somebody wrapped that string they put around meat around your plump arms.

BRAS! whether you are a big girl with little girl boobies or a big girl with mammoth tah-tahs, bras are near impossible to find.  (fredericks hollywood has a great selection of bras that don't look like your grandmother loaned them to you)




Anyways,  the places I shopped today were Old Navy, Forever 21 (decent plus size stuff and their XL are about a 12/14), and Torrid. I had never been to Torrid before, but it has a great selection of big girl clothing. They are a plus size store and try to carry something for everyone. They may not have a huge variety, but they have cute stuff and the store clerks get what it's like for a big girl to shop.

great site to help dress your body type: http://www.dressyourbodytype.com/fullcurvy.php

Todays meals:

Breakfast: Carrot Cake muffin and caramel latte

Lunch: Salad, pears, vitamin water zero.... (felt guilty about breakfast)

Dinner: Subway ham sammy with lots of veggies and a cranberry juice (I didn't eat until 8 because I had been shopping since 4:30)

Day...???  Still learning.

Travel

Hello readers!
    I am currently in Anchorage for some work training. Let me tell you, dieting while traveling is not the easiest. I went to Wally World to get some healthy snacks and ended up buying a dress, curling iron, make-up, apple sauce and cheerios. The walmart here is awful. They are remodeling and nothing in the layout makes sense and half of their inventory is in the back to be brought out after the remodel is finished. I didn't even get to spend my usual hour in the make up aisle because it was so small. :'( I love make up. Oh, also, I have been needing a new bra because my lady friends keep pushing into my underwire. So I went to buy a new bra and came away with a 38DDD.....or 38Fml. However, it is the most comfortable bra in the world. I wish vicky secret had bras in this size because it definitely looks like a nursing bra.

The good thing about travel, is that I will not be checking my mail every hour to see if my Zumba DVDs have come in...and they SHOULD be in my mailbox when I get home.  Thank God because I will definitely be needing them after a week of travel. Blehk.

Bright side, I am down 3 lbs. Not a huge feat, being 1.5% of my weight....But it's a start and a lot more successful than I have been in the last 10 months.

Zumba

Hello world!
    I am excited to inform you all that I ordered Zumba DVDs...I know, sweet right? Well, I'm pretty stoked about it. I am planning on using the DVDs with my cousin Smell Jr and a few friends. I am hoping the more people I get to do it with me, the more motivated I will be to keep it up. Where I work, there is an exercise room with a big flat screen. I am thinking that would be a great place to do it. I have heard from those who have tried it in classes, that it is a lot of fun. I also had a tribal council member ask me to teach classes for it....BAHAHA! whoo, got a nice laugh out of that one. I'm sure I would be super inspiring while I stop to take hits from my inhaler. However, I do wish we had an instructor here in our small town.

If you have done zumba, I would love to hear about your experience. I will be letting you guys know how it goes for me. I still haven't got the DVDs in yet, hopefully this next week. Any who, today's post is a little short. I am going to go hang with two of my hometown besties. I hope you all have a great weekend!

Make you feel my love- adele

Ok, this song has been making me think a lot about a friend of mine and her relationship with her husband. I wanted to let her know that I am elated at her happiness. I am writing it in a post, well, because it would make for an emotional conversation in which we would be awkward and laugh inappropriately. It's on the playlist at the bottom of the screen. It is my new favorite song....and I don't mean to brag, but I do a mean "car"aoke (karaoke) with this bad boy; just ask my dog.  Anyway, this is why it reminds me of my friend.

One of my friend's husband is overseas.  They are just recently married (this last summer) and it has been more than rough for them to be apart. She means a lot to me, being one of my closest friends. I know that her love for her husband is genuine and runs deep. I also know, without having met the man, that her husband loves her the same. That being said, this song reminds me of them because without question, they will do what it takes to make the other person feel loved. 

 

There is a part in the song that talks about the person not having made their mind up about the singer. I know that sounds awful when I talk about this song reminding me of their relationship, but it really made me smile because my friend was not quite sure if she was ready for a relationship when her husband came along; but he stuck with it and was able to show her he really cared about her. Every time I hear this song, I think about how grateful I am that she is happy and how she loves him so much she pours her love out in every way possible just to make sure he knows. She has never been showy with her emotions....pretty much have to break her arm to get her to tell you what bothering her, but I would...cause I love her.

The line in the song "you ain't seen nothing like me yet" oh man, it just gets to me. They are great for each other and I know that they have a lot to offer each other. This man is able to give her something that no one else has. I have seen her let down walls I was afraid might never fall (thank you Jesus!). For that reason alone, I love him like a brother....and yet we have not met.

I love you both!

 

Make you feel my love- Adele

When the rain
Is blowing in your face
And the whole world
Is on your case
I could offer you
A warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows
And the stars appear
And there is no one there
To dry your tears
I could hold you
For a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you
Haven't made
Your mind up yet
But I would never
Do you wrong
I've known it
From the moment
That we met
No doubt in my mind
Where you belong

I'd go hungry
I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling
Down the avenue
No, there's nothing
That I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging
On the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
Though winds of change
Are throwing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing
Like me yet

I could make you happy
Make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends
Of the Earth for you
To make you feel my love

Day Five- Friday!

Hello readers!
    Today was a crazy day. I woke up really cranky, just as every day, and feeling not so great. I sucked it up and got myself to work. I had a follow up appointment from my ER visit. I had to get more blood drawn to check for celiac disease and I had to get a pelvic ultrasound to check for cysts on my ovaries. So at 9am I went in for my appointment. That went relatively fast; I was out of the doctor's office in about 45 minutes and sent over to the lab and radiology departments for the tests. I got my blood drawn and scheduled an ultrasound for the 18th; which was a ways away but I didn't think anything of it. As I am pulling away from the clinic, I get a call from my doc's assistant asking me to come back in because they needed the ultrasound stat. (saying stat makes everything sound more important...and like grey's anatomy) I went back in and the ultrasound technician informed me that I needed to be practically peeing my pants to get a good picture of my ovaries. I chugged a good 7 glasses of ice water in the waiting room. You know what's not so smart? chugging a good 7 glasses of ice water in the waiting room. There were 3 other people in the waiting room when the freezing cold water began to make me shiver (in my sweatshirt and fleece sweats). At this point, I definitely had a full bladder and was not only shivering, but doing a little dance to keep from peeing.

Finally, the technician comes to bring me in for an ultrasound at 11 am. She was friendly enough and promised I could make a dash for the bathroom as soon as she was done. I don't know how many of you have had an ultrasound, but if you have a full bladder getting an ultrasound doesn't help the situation. I was already about to burst and my guts were killing me; then the technician had to push on my stomach to get a good picture. I had to hold my breath to keep from peeing all over her little table. When she was through with that, she told me I could pee....and that my bladder was very full, so to take my time emptying it. (how embarassing)

When I entered the room again, she asked me if the doctor had explained the next step. I said "I thought we were done." Her face goes serious as she tells me I need an endovaginal ultrasound of my ovaries. My day just got 10X better :|   She explains that I will need to take everything off from the waist down and jump on top of a huge cushion that puts my downstairs upstairs. She didn't leave right away, so I assumed she just wanted me to strip down. As I am undressing, she tells me she will give me a minute to get ready and steps out....FML. When she comes back, she takes out something that looks like my curl stick (curling iron) and informs me that she will be putting it in my vagina...excellent :(. 

As she is getting pictures, I notice little black circles in my ovaries. I am trying not to freak out as I run the possible reasons through my head. I get so worked up, I barely remember driving back to work. My uncle is our tribal admin (office boss aka big chief). I walk into his office to tell him I'm back. He asks me what the doctor said...I begin bawling. I don't know how many of you know a Tlingit man, but they aren't so good with crying. Luckily, my uncle was compassionate, sat me down, and kept me from having a panic attack. He told me not to worry until there was something to worry about. I said ok and walked back to my office and shut the door...and locked it.

As I am googling ovarian cancer, ovarian cysts, etc. I come across Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome...which looks a lot like my ovaries. As I read the symtoms, I come across infertility....and I start bawling again. At the top of things I wish to accomplish in life is being a mother. I obsess about it. I literally cry when I find out someone is pregnant because I am that crazy jealous. So I went through the rest of work in fits of hysteria. At 2:45pm, I left work early.

At 3pm. the doctor called and told me the only thing wrong with my ultrasound was a cyst in my right ovary....I was fine.

I took some ibuprofen for the pain, turned my electric blanket on high, and slept for 2 hours. Now, I am writing to you folks, to let you know, I am grateful to have you to write these things to....because otherwise I might've shoved multiple doughnuts into my stomach to "vent". 

Day 5- score one for the good guys!

Day Four-What the heck?!

Hello all,
    So today...aweful. I had to go the ER last night because of a pain in my lower abdominal area. I called the nurse's station to see if I should even go in, because my insurance doesn't like to cover ER visits, and she said I should. I start to panic, because honestly I thought she would say to just come in the next morning. The nurse expressed concern that I might be having a miscarriage or my IUD (mirena) could be pushing through my uterus....fabulous, right? I called my aunt to have her come with me; because I didn't want my husband going. Not because he isn't a great supporter; I was just sure it was nothing. He did not think that was ok, so he came along to. So, I walk into the ER with my entourage and get into the ever-so-fashionable little outfits they have for when you get a pelvic exam and wait for the doctor. The whole time all I could think was "great, I'm pregnant. Well, at least people will be accurate in assuming so."

The doctor showed up and did a regular check of my lungs, stomach, etc. Nothing seemed out the norm; other than the pain. By this time the it was pretty bad and I was not looking forward to the vajay exam....(especially since I desperately needed to pee). The speculum as particularly unfriendly this visit and was not wanting to co-operate with the doctor. Btw, find the cervix is the worst game of hide and seek ever! Luckily, the doctor didn't find anything abnormal during that exam. It was decided that I needed to get blood drawn to check my kidney function and white blood cell levels...also, I got to pee in a cup (thank God cause I could've filled about 10 specimen cups). Yes, I did take a pregnancy test and yes, I will still want to kill myself if someone asks me if I'm pregnant. The third pregnancy test I have taken this month was negative. (I have been having stomach issues and I was very tired for a while, hence the two other pregnancy tests).

After all the tests and exams (which lead the doctor to believe I have a cyst or ruptured follicle), the doctor offered to give me a shot for the pain. I was in a good amount of pain, otherwise I would have never let anyone come near me with a needle...but I decided it may help me sleep.  The nurse came in to administer the shot; which went in my leg. I braced myself for her arrival. As she is preparing the shot, she tells me "please don't stand up after the shot, many people faint. Yep, they just drop to the floor like a bag of potatoes." (I grip my husband's hand a bit tighter). She rubs alcohol over the targeted area; "ok, now get ready. This shot hurts; like a lot. Probably worse than your abdominal pain. Just joking, but really, it does hurt". (My husband's hand is now in a vice grip from my terror). She stuck me with the needle and she was right....it hurt...bad...like a charlie horse but with fire. Afterwards, she gave my leg a massage; which sounds nice, but it basically spread the flame. So as I limped to the car, I laughed at myself for thinking the shot would help me sleep. I woke up every hour or so because of the pain in my abdomen...and because the shot had made it uncomfortable for me to lay on my favorite side.

Today, I work up at 7:40am. I begin work at 8am. My day was spectacular. I got to crumple into the position you take when your cramps get so bad you want to die....and I sat like that, at my desk, for the whole day. When I had to walk short distances, the pain increased. So I became a prisoner to my cave-like office. (I keep the lights off in my office as often as possible because it kind of works as a bouncer. Telling all the strangers to "eff off and stay out of my office" in a subtle sort of way).

 Needless to say, I will not be walking Phoebe today and I will be confided to my couch to watch Grey's Anatomy and multiple DVR recordings ;) ...I guess there are plus sides to feeling like someone sucker punched you in the uterus.

Day 4- Not an epic fail, but score one for the bad guys.

Day Three-sunshine and phoebe

Hello readers!
     Today is a good day. I am feeling a little sick, but that didn't put a damper on things. I went to work and got a lot of things done. It is a beautiful day here in Alaska. When the sun comes out, my whole word changes. I LOVE Alaska. Many people from my town are not so fond of living here; especially the younger folks. When I went to college in Colorado, I knew I was coming back here.

When I got off work today, I decided I wanted to take my pooch for a bike ride.  My pup's name is Phoebe (Fee-Bee). I adopted her from the La Plata humane society when I was a senior at college and she was eight weeks old. She is a chihuahua-blue heeler (Austrailian Cattle Dog)...don't ask me how it happened that she is what she is. The vet thinks the chihuahua was the male...Anyways, less on the topic of my dog's lineage. Phoebe was the cutest little thing. She weighed 5 lbs when I got her and the vet guessed she wouldn't be more than 20 lbs tops. I am not a big dog person, so I was excited to have her. My dad (whom I lived with for 2 months after I got out of college) was not so pumped. I promised him she was potty trained and wouldn't be much bigger than our 3 lbs pomeranian-wiener dog mix.

When we got home to Alaska....Phoebe decided she liked using the bathroom in my dad's room (there is not actual bathroom in my dad's room). He grew less fond of her. Phoebe's personality before I got her home was playful, energetic, but got tired pretty fast. She was only 4 months old when we left Colorado...so I don't know why I expected her to stay that way. As she matured, she outgrew her tiny little chihuahua head and developed a blue heeler body type. She looked like a monster chihuahua with a weight problem. People who use to think she was adorable, laughed when they saw her. (douche bags!) I kept them informed that she WAS 1/2 blue heeler and it is to be expected that she resemble both her parents.

Well, I went from walking my dog twice a day (pre-wedding exercise), to throwing a ball in the drive way (post-wedding exercise). You know how people say that dogs come to resemble their owners....Phoebe is now short and obese. I feel like what people say about my dog, probably relate well to what they would say to my husband... "damn, she's huge!" "what have you been feeding her?!" "what ate your dog [wife]?"  "is that even the same puppy? [person]"....and "take her for a walk!"

So, like I was about my weight, I became sensitive about Phoebe's weight.  "She eats just as much as she did before!" "She just has a large build"  "it's because of her genetics"....."SHUT UP DAD NOBODY CARES WHAT YOU THINK!"......I became the crazy dog lady.

Luckily, when I came around to the fact that I was a big girl again, I also came to the realization that Phoebe is big girl too....Also because of my choices. Therefore, like myself, Phoebe will be exercising more often. I took her for a bike ride today. Poor pup, she was panting before we crossed the street to the bike path....right across the street from my house. We rode the length of the bike walk and back; about a mile-ish. We panted as we heaved our bodies up and down the small slopes in the pavement....but we made it. We both struggled up the 3 steps to my house, grabbed some water, and collapsed in our usual spots; me on the couch, phoebe on her rug. But, the big thing (besides our weight) is that we got our butts up and did it. So I celebrate our success on day three. May there be many more breath-taking bike rides or walks in our future. I love you Phoebe!

the view out my window today...the bike path is along the road across the street.

Phoebe right after I got her approx 1 month old

Obese Phoebe age 1 year. I couldn't find a good angle, so you can't see her love handles so much.

Post two of day two "Biggest Loser"

 I am great at goal setting. I can plan like nobody's business...it's the follow through I'm not so great with. I have had this goal of getting down to 145 lbs for over a year now; the closest I've come is 155. I thought for sure I had those last 10 lbs beat, but I fell off the wagon. I ate because I didn't feel like people were watching each calorie I consumed. As a big girl, it's hard not to feel like people are judging you each time you eat something delicious. You just know they are thinking "hey big girl, put down the pizza!".

I don't know how many of you watch Biggest Loser, but I am addicted. It's a show about obese people who compete to lose the most weight  (to be the Biggest Loser). They have trainers that put them through amazing work outs and motivate them to continue their weight loss journey. Watching the show this season, I have watched a favorite contestant of mine (Irene, second to Courtney) go from 255 lbs, 56 lbs heavier than myself, down to 170. She now weighs 29 lbs less than me. As I probably don't need to point out,  I did not feel as great as she did when she stepped on the scale.

Bob (one of the trainers) has this saying "nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels".  I don't know if Bob has ever had fry bread, but I guess this quote does make a lot of sense. So now, I am trying to embrace that kind of mindset. I am going into this with the understanding that it will not be easy to think that way. It is hard to look at a piece of cheesecake and think "if I don't eat this, I will be skinny in about 6 months". Especially when cheesecake is the cure-all for any unwanted emotion. Let's face it. For some of us, if our parents hadn't shoved something to eat down our throats, we would have never stopped crying. So when you just got into a fight with your sister and are going through all the witty things you SHOULD have said, it's hard not to go on autopilot, reach for the spatula and ice cream, and cram some frustration deep into your gut. Therefore, to keep me motivated, I am going to post a photo of me when I was at my goal weight. That way, I can look at the photo and remind myself "oh yes, I want to be THAT girl...But down the fork fatty!". Also, you will be able to see my goal-self in comparison to my already posted big-girl-self.

Freshman year of college (pre-freshman 15)

(A friend and I at our Senior picnic for high school)

(State Grand Champions my senior year of high school. I am in the front. It's the only pic I have with my whole body at that time)

Day Two

Hello Readers!
    To keep you guys updated on my progress, I am going to post daily about how my day went. I also will post stories, information, or random thoughts through out the week. I would love you to comment on my posts and tell me what you think..

Day Two-
When I decided to do this blog, I promised myself I would be honest with my readers about how I was doing on my weight loss journey. I did not realize that I would have to embarrass myself on the 2nd day....but here it is:    
Today has been a slow day. I had a lot of boring tasks at work and the clock was moving slower than my grandmother through an airport.  I could feel myself going in to one of those work comas; where you are at your desk doing your work but you can't respond to anything or anybody because you've been so bored for so long that your mind has pretty much given up all hope of being used for anything interesting.  Anyways, at 11 I was informed I had a teleconference at 11:30. I did not pack lunch, so I ran (haha yeah right, I drove) to the store to grab some food. Which is wildly pathetic because the store is literally right up the hill from where I work. To add to my shame, when I arrived at the store I bought a handful of potato wedges and a crispito from the deli....I know, I am really great at this losing weight thing. I'm like one of those people who would die to be skinny and worry about how fat they are, but think that complaining about diet and exercise is a great way to burn calories. The plus-side is that I am going for a walk this evening with my cousin Smelly Jr. (she's junior to my great uncle Melvin or uncle Smelly) That should help burn off a few of those deep fried calories.

To keep myself from failing another day, I promise you readers that tomorrow I will eat healthier and get some form of exercise in.

Day One 199 lbs.

Hello!
   I am excited and scared about this blog. Let me start off by telling you a bit about my background.

I have been struggling with my weight since I was a little... let me rephrase that... a young girl. I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted and I could put it away. My sisters just so happen to be twigs, so you know...family photos were fun. My family would make innocent jokes about my weight and I would bawl hysterically (btw, I'm the cryer in the family). I would make vows to not eat a single thing until I wasted away just to spite them (also the dramatic one). That would last about 10 minutes; 20 if my candy reserve was tapped out. This went on until high school, each diet less successful than the last.

My freshman year of high school I weighed 123 lbs and had topped out at 5'3". I remember thinking "Oh man, I am getting FAT!". (eff you skinny me!). Luckily, I still had enough confidence to try out for cheerleading. I made the varsity team because, well, it was a rebuilding year. We practiced 2 1/2-3 hours a day. I was in decent shape and able to eat more without feeling so guilty.

My sophomore year I walked through the high school doors weighing 145 lbs. I had a great summer! I worked at the local theater; which meant a nutritious diet of popcorn and candy . I did a youth cheer camp with my coach, so I could pretend I was active. By the time uniform fitting came around, I couldn't understand why I couldn't fit into my old uniform. I cried for hours when I had to put on a size 8, cause Heaven forbid I don't stay a size 6.

My junior year I had come to terms with being chubby. I still wore the same size 8 uniform. I bought bigger bras, bigger pants, bigger shirts (I could no longer get away with stealing my younger sister's).  I was dealing with it. I still had boyfriends..which at the time was all I cared about.

My senior year I weighed in at 150. Thankfully the weight was distributed a bit more evenly (or at least into my bust). I was becoming more confident. I was going on the 4th year of varsity cheerleading, I got the lead in the school play, I got accepted into multiple colleges, and racked up $10 grand in scholarships. I had a new boyfriend; total hottie. I was feeling pretty good about myself.

College was my downfall.

Freshman year, I joined the cheerleading squad, but it was a more laid back program than I was use to. Because I wasn't as active, you'd think I would cut down on my calories...Well, that's what you get for thinking.  My boyfriend and I had decided to make long distance work; so I didn't have to look amazing every day. I ate at the college cafeteria my first semester; a great way to avoid nutrition. My second semester I ate at applebees during happy hour because I was a poor college kid and was sick of the cafeteria.At the end of that year, I weighed 165....Freshman 15...Check.

My sophomore year I lived in the college apartments and could cook for myself....So I gained 15 lbs. Half way through the year I decided to try weight watchers with a friend of mine. This was mostly because I was afraid that my boyfriend would take one look at me and break it off.  It worked pretty well, I stuck to it for the rest of the year and lost 18 lbs. I was happy to see the numbers on the scale go down. However, that summer I gained it all back....and then some.

My junior year I jumped on the scale at 188 lbs. I constantly asked my boyfriend if he still loved me and he constantly told me he did because he "didn't care what I looked like"...Just so you know, saying that doesn't make a person feel better...it's like saying "So you're fat, at least you're not ugly". At my sports physical they pointed out that I had gained 23 lbs over the summer.  All I could say was "oh". What I really meant was"oh really, I hadn't noticed."  I had to ask my coach for a bigger uniform, a highlight for that year. I did not try to loose weight, I just tried to convince myself I could deal with being a big girl.

My senior year, I did not do cheerleading. My boyfriend had proposed to me and I was pumped. I was ready to go dress shopping! The first few dresses I tried on were a size 22, so shopping was not as fun as I hoped it would be. I had a new mission. Get down to 155 by the wedding so I could fit into the size 14 wedding dress I had ordered. Good news, I did it. Bad news, I did it months before the wedding so I had plenty of time to gain the weight back. 
Lucky for me, the size 14 that use to be big, fit me perfectly for the wedding. From that moment on, I was off the diet again. Which is what brought me to do this blog. I managed to gain 44 lbs in 10 months. YAY ME!

So I start this journey off at 199 lbs. I can't promise you readers that I won't fail, I can't promise that you'll feel motivated to start your own weight loss journey, but I do promise to do my best to keep you well informed of my progress in the form of a sarcastic or wildly emotional blog post.


P.S. Please bare with me, as I am new to blogging.