I am great at goal setting. I can plan like nobody's business...it's the follow through I'm not so great with. I have had this goal of getting down to 145 lbs for over a year now; the closest I've come is 155. I thought for sure I had those last 10 lbs beat, but I fell off the wagon. I ate because I didn't feel like people were watching each calorie I consumed. As a big girl, it's hard not to feel like people are judging you each time you eat something delicious. You just know they are thinking "hey big girl, put down the pizza!".
I don't know how many of you watch Biggest Loser, but I am addicted. It's a show about obese people who compete to lose the most weight (to be the Biggest Loser). They have trainers that put them through amazing work outs and motivate them to continue their weight loss journey. Watching the show this season, I have watched a favorite contestant of mine (Irene, second to Courtney) go from 255 lbs, 56 lbs heavier than myself, down to 170. She now weighs 29 lbs less than me. As I probably don't need to point out, I did not feel as great as she did when she stepped on the scale.
Bob (one of the trainers) has this saying "nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels". I don't know if Bob has ever had fry bread, but I guess this quote does make a lot of sense. So now, I am trying to embrace that kind of mindset. I am going into this with the understanding that it will not be easy to think that way. It is hard to look at a piece of cheesecake and think "if I don't eat this, I will be skinny in about 6 months". Especially when cheesecake is the cure-all for any unwanted emotion. Let's face it. For some of us, if our parents hadn't shoved something to eat down our throats, we would have never stopped crying. So when you just got into a fight with your sister and are going through all the witty things you SHOULD have said, it's hard not to go on autopilot, reach for the spatula and ice cream, and cram some frustration deep into your gut. Therefore, to keep me motivated, I am going to post a photo of me when I was at my goal weight. That way, I can look at the photo and remind myself "oh yes, I want to be THAT girl...But down the fork fatty!". Also, you will be able to see my goal-self in comparison to my already posted big-girl-self.
 |
| Freshman year of college (pre-freshman 15) |
 |
| (A friend and I at our Senior picnic for high school) |
 |
| (State Grand Champions my senior year of high school. I am in the front. It's the only pic I have with my whole body at that time) |
I love that quote from bob. I'm going to try so hard to live by that quote cause I'm sure its true. Good luck with your journey!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the support Sasha! :)
ReplyDeleteKeep on those walks every night. Call me if u need company :) I'm here
ReplyDeleteHey! you don't know me :) I found your blog through Lacey's..I did youth stuff with her in Durango, once upon a time..anyways. My blog is http://dubaya.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to say you're on the right track with wanting to eat better and excercise-but don'd beat yourself up mentally. Negative self-talk is just, well, negative. Not helpful...things like, "I can do this!" or rewarding yourself for a week of doing really really well on your diet with a (small) treat will take you much farther, i promise. i've been down this road, too-with some depression and and eating disorder thrown in during high school-and as I've healed (and since lost weight after 2 babies the RIGHT way) I've learned that it's about baby steps to lasting change. Excercise. positive thinking. Eating right (lots of fruits, veggies, etc.). And allowing myself treats...several times a week! I'm currently losing the last 15 pounds I gained with my second the old fashioned way: Counting calories and exercise. www.livestrong.com has a great calorie counter that's free to use-makes it easy. I save 100-200 calories a day for chocolate :) You CAN do this; but if you want lasting change, you have to change the way you think about yourself, your body, and food. You are strong; you are beautiful; you are so much more than a number on the scale! ok. heard enough from the random girl you don't know? ;)
Thanks Kristin. I am glad to hear that you were able to overcome your struggles with weight loss. It is encouraging.
ReplyDelete